“Jupiter Ascending” movie review

The reviews for this movie prepared me for the worst. But, to me, the movie isn’t nearly as bad the reviews claim.

First the plot. Yes, there are a lot of secondary plots that get confusing. But the main plot makes sense. I don’t get why so many people are saying they left the theater saying they had no idea what they’d just watched. But yes, some reviewers were confused, cause I reread the reviews after I saw it, and I think they slept through part of the movie.

I normally don’t do a plot synopsis in my reviews, but since there’s so much confusion and no else is providing a decent one. Here’s mine.

There are three siblings, son 1, son 2 and daughter. Their mother died and left bits of the universe to each of them. Son 1 got planet Earth and Planet Jupiter, maybe our whole galaxy, not sure, but the big deal is he got Earth. Son 2 has a lot of planets, but their total doesn’t come close to what Earth is worth. The daughter, has planets too, but the amount never comes up.

How do you rate the value? Well, all these planets are used for harvesting. Basically they “seed” a planet with human DNA. Once the planet population reaches a point that the planet cannot support it, they harvest all the people. It takes 100 people to make one Pringle can sized serum. This serum is used to keep people young. The three sibling are all between 10-20 thousand years old. Their mother was 91,000, if I’m remembering correctly.

Well, son 2 finds out how much Earth is worth, and he’s jealous. I guess he was mom’s favorite. So he decides to find their reincarnated mother. Turns out, that since they use their DNA to “seed” the planets, sometimes an exact replica of themselves can show up. Their mother knew about this and wrote up a will so her replica would get her inheritance back. What all that includes besides Earth, I’m not sure.
Son 2 thinks if he finds their new mom, he will get Earth. Son 1 finds out and sends his own folks in to find the mom. Daughter also sends in a group. Hence, the abduction of the girl named Jupiter, who is the reincarnation of their mother.

Each siblings kidnaps Jupiter at one point or another, and she falls in love with one of the people sent to hunt her too. He’s a half wolf-half human solder thing. I’ll admit I sorta zoned out during the scenes where they explained his backstory. It was one of those side plots that they should have left out.

The acting, pretty good. They lines were sometimes cheesy, but the actors did the best they could with what they were given.

The special effects were very “oh I’m watching CGI right now” and it was easy to imagine the actors flying around in front of a green-screen. I accidently went to a 3D showing. It did all some value I think, and this is coming from someone who doesn’t usually like 3D. I did zone out a little during some of the fight scenes.

One fight scene, while Jupiter and wolf guy are flying around in the sky, was artfully beautiful. But it gets repetitive when wolf guy says, “hold on” and then she totally falls off of him. Then this happens like six more times. You’d think someone would have figured out the plan wasn’t working. Toward the end of the movie there’s a scene where she’s running around in a collapsing building for no reason other than to let us see her do a couple more really long falls. The movie really should have been called Jupiter descending, cause she falls A LOT.

In the end, the movie is a mix of “The Fifth Element” and “Guardians of the Galaxy.” But not as good as either. If you liked those movies, you’ll probably enjoy this one.


About mizner13

Welcome to my blog! I live in Florida with my husband and our Kitty, a rescued Abyssinian. I have several novels published under the name "Nina Schluntz". I’m an avid movie goer, so most of my blog posts will be a review of the most recent movie I happened to see. Sometimes I’ll mix it up and read a book too. Or… my favorite, I’ll see the movie then read the book it was based on! View all posts by mizner13

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