I always judge horror movies lightly, no matter how good they are, they are never going to be as good as a drama. “It Follows” has received nothing but complementary reviews, so I figured it would be worth seeing.
I have to say, I missed the bandwagon on this movie. I thought it was boring, slow and predictable. The acting was about where it is for a horror movie, cheesy and exaggerated. The music gives away the upcoming scary scenes. The time-era for this movie is impossible to pin down, which left me distracted. I mean, I was bored, so I had nothing better to do than try to figure out what era the electronics were from. You have analog televisions playing black and white movies, contrasted with this clam shell ebook. And people dressed with styles from all over the place.
The main plot follows a young girl. She has sex with her boyfriend, who then tells her he has a monster following him. And by having sex with her, he has now passed the monster to her. Only way for her to get rid of it, is by having sex with someone. The monster wants to kill you, if it kills the person above you in the sex chain, it then defaults back to you.
Now this big bad scary monster can only walk, at a grandma pace, to find you. And normal rules of physics apply to it. If you shut a door in its path, it’s stuck, it can’t walk through a door, nor is it super strong to break the door down.
So I’m sitting there like, umm, get a mobile home and travel the world, problem solved. Better yet, take a cruise. Go to Australia! Live on a boat home, I mean there are so many possibilities. Avoiding this monster is so easy. To be practical, I’ll probably get a job two hours away, then while I’m at work, it’s walking to there. Giving me time to sleep when I get home, I mean, this riddle is so easy to solve. I can drive, it has to walk, sooo easy.
Now if you went the sex route, what about having a big orgy? If I have sex with six people at the same time, which one does the monster pick to follow? Oh yeah, monster gonna be so confused. There’s only one of it, but now there’s six people all at the same location on the hit list.
Now to make it even more fun, the only person who can see it is the person it’s hunting, or other people in the sex chain. But again, physics apply, so if you throw a blanket on it, suddenly you have a floating blanket. I mean, you have an invisible man following you!! I’d trap that puppy and start a magic show!!
I left the theater, not afraid or creeped out… instead I kinda wish I could join the sex chain.